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Stories *updated 9/4/02
"The Government Class"
"Government Man Versus Samurai Bob"
"Screams of the Amityville High School"
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Quotes *updated 11/25/02*:
"The chief mistake for folly is that it makes itself for wisdom." De Leon
Senior Class President: "I don't want to take the Bible test."
Senior Class Treasurer: "Oh, I do."
Senior Class Person: "Was that sarcastic?"
Sam: "Some people don't get things that quickly."
November 15, 2002
Senior Class Treasurer: "I might have one (piece of apple pie) later; I'm hungry."
Sam: "You know, half the world is hungry."
November 15, 2002
Senior class VP: "But she (sister-in-law) doesn't have the shampoo I want."
Sam: "You know, half the world doesn't have shampoo."
November 15, 2002
Outsider (Ray) on School:
"No matter what school you go to, it seems like it is straight from hell, and is on its way back. And everything that goes along with hell is in it."
November 15, 2002
(Bible Class about Spies went to Rahab the Prostitute.)
Bible Teacher: "Why would they go there…now let's keep it clean…. Chances are a prostitute will know everything about the town, all the in's and out's. uh, let's keep that in context."
Sam: "You're just asking him to write that down."
November 18, 2002
Math Teacher: "Time to grade lesson 121."
Sam: "Oh I didn't do it, I hoped it was 'magically' done."
November 18, 2002
Junior class President: "We would have a lot of students committing suicide."
Sam: "Well, there are only three students in here."
Kris: "Do you wonder why?!?"
November 18, 2002
"I hate that this class is small because I'm doing everything you guys are doing and I'm not getting paid. I might as well go on the freak'n senior trip."
S. Vafadar, November 19, 2002
"I feel gravity is working against me to the finish line... along with my broken legs and... arms...."
S. Vafadar, November 19, 2002
"If hell had a hell, this would be it."
S. Vafadar, November 19, 2002
"If hell's hell had a hell, it would be there (the den)."
S. Vafadar, November 19, 2002
Sam: "Exactly what I was thinking."
Kris: "It almost would be scary if it wasn't so obvious."
November 20, 2002
"I read a Bible verse today that made me think of Lakeside (Matthew 10:28). Did you know that if you take the last three letters of Lakeside and rearrange them they spell
d-i-e?"
K. Green, November 20, 2002
Bible Teacher: "I'm gunna sell candy canes in class."
Senior class President: "How much did we make on that?"
Bible Teacher: "I don't know."
November 21, 2002
Math teacher: (talking about the class of three.)"You guys have been together for quite
some time."
Sam: "We're like cell mates."
Math teacher: "I'm sure I understand the implications."
November 21, 2002
Math teacher: (to Junior class President.) "You're on the right track. You're on the right track."
Sam: "I've derailed."
November 21, 2002
Math teacher: "Man can do a lot of things, some productive and some not. I don't see
how making a dog to fit inside a tea cup is really productive."
Sam: "Some guy goes 'Bill, you owe me twenty bucks, I made it small.'"
November 21, 2002
Math teacher: (about Sam and Kris) "These guys think we're in prison!"
Junior class President: "Who says we're not!"
November 22, 2002
Bible Teacher: [name], will you pray for us?
Senior Class girl: No.
Bible Class, October 30, 2002
Math Student: ARE WE MAKING BIG ONES TODAY?!?
Sam: Oh no....
October 30, 2002
Senior Class girl: I used to have really big elephant ears!
Kris and Bible Teacher (in unison): Used to?
October 31, 2002
I was grown in a science lab.
S. Vafadar, October 31, 2002
No, [name], the book is not smarter than you, the authors of the book are.
Math Teacher, November 1, 2002
Just spraypaint green beans black.
S. Vafadar, about Coffee, November 1, 2002
I'd write that down if it wasn't so sexist!
K. Green, November 4, 2002
"This is not much information, but it is better than no information at all."
Saxon, Advanced Mathematics, page 644
Note found: (Please note that Kris A. Green found this note on the floor of the English classroom. In an apparent attempt to set guidelines this girl -or guy- writes when she/he could easily say this in person. This is how moronic people in high school are. I ascertain that this note came from freshman from two reasons. The obvious immaturity displayed within the note and the fact the freshman English class was two periods previously to when I found it in third period. And it cannot be the second period English class because the note was at a seat of [name], a well-rounded student.
#1 Need Gum to kiss.
#2 If I say 'no' it means 'NO'
#3 If I scratch you or bite you that mean your putting your hand in the wrong
place!!
#4 I DON'T DO SEX
#5 Don't do drugs around me
#6
Senior Class girl: Which one isn't there?
Sam: The Kelvin one... but you'd have to be havin' Down's syndrome not to get it.
November 5, 2002
Thank you for this day, [math teacher]... .uh, not this day but the free day in class.
K. Green, November 5, 2002
Kris: Did you do your hair over the weekend?
Math Teacher: No, I let someone else do it!
November 5, 2002
Senior Class girl: I hate it when you say that. Don't say that!
Sam: I hate it when people say that, I mean 'don't say that' it's already said!
Kris: So people should not say that?
November 7, 2002
I want to marry a guy with one foot.
Senior Class girl, November 7, 2002
Bible Teacher: Moses was the greatest prophet Israel had ever known.
Kris: Rahab was the greatest prostitute Israel had ever known.
November 7, 2002
Senior Class girl: I can brush my hair with my feet.
Sam: Oh no....
Senior Class girl: If I put my hair brush in between my toes… unless I have curly hair.
Sam: You're a gifted person, [name].
November 7, 2002
What is a cadaver?
Senior Class girl, November 8, 2002
Senior Class girl: I'm retarded.
Kris: Yup.
November 11, 2002
It feels like breaking my legs before I finish a marathon.
Sam V., being reasonably over-dramatic about math, November 11, 2002
Now it feels like I have two broken legs, my arm is in a sling, and I'm using my torso to get to the finish line.
Sam V., being reasonable about the Math final exam, November 11, 2002
Kris: You're hair looks nice; can I exempt the exam?
Math Teacher: (Dead silence, then laughter) You can write my reply as 'Absolutely not.'
November 11, 2002
Your brain will get you into metal knots.
Math Teacher, November 12, 2002
(to Junior guys) What is with your fascination with gay people?
English Teacher, November 15, 2002
He's too stupid to realize he's stupid.
Sam V., November 15, 2002
We are vagabonds of space and time.
K. Green, October 27, 2002
Senior Class President: "Are you listening to me?"
Science Teacher: "No, not really."
Physics, October 28, 2002
"Strawberries do it by budding."
Student's test answer, October 28, 2002
Student: "Is middle school break over?"
English Teacher: "Do you hear them?"
Student: "No"
English Teacher: "It's over."
October 30, 2002
Male Senior Class Student: "You know where it says, if someone hits you on the right cheek to turn the other"
Science Teacher: "No, it means to change your fighting stance."
October 30, 2002
"Who is Robinson Crusoe?"
S. Mader, October 30, 2002
Female Senior Class Student: "Yesterday at my senior pictures--"
Sam: "We don't care."
October 30, 2002
"The concept of school is more complicated than it seems."
S. Vafadar, September 25, 2002
Kris: "Logarithms stink!"
Math Teacher: "No they have no odor."
September 25, 2002
"If you weren't my friend, I'd kill you."
S. Vafadar, October 2, 2002
"But isn't everything the past anyway, unless it's the future."
K. Green, October 7, 2002
Sam (was walking and suddenly tripped): "Too bad that didn't kill me...."
October 9, 2002
"It's all about the matrix; it's all convoluted."
Math Teacher, October 10, 2002
"This is like nothing you have ever done before and nothing you will ever do again."
Math Teacher, October 10, 2002
Substitute Teacher: "You guys think high school is bad...."
S. Vafadar: "No we just think this high school is."
October 11, 2002
"If you find them and inflict bodily harm on them, you'll get extra credit."
Science Teacher, October 14, 2002
Science Teacher: " You got an 'A'."
Female Student: "Really!"
Science Teacher: "Yeah you owe me twenty bucks!"
Female Student: "No I don't, I got an 'A'."
Science Teacher: No, You got a 'C'."
October 14, 2002
(In reference to the quote above):
Kris: "You have to admit, it was funny."
Female Student: "it was okay."
Male Student: "Once you got the joke you enjoyed it."
Female Student nods her head 'yes.'
October 15, 2002
"I'm not worried about getting arrested, because there's no real intelligence level here."
S. Vafadar, October 15, 2002
"Her comments are spontaneous and rarely make sense."
S. Vafadar, October 15, 2002
Male Student: "Are going to write that one down?"
Kris: "No and let me tell you why...."
October 15, 2002
Sam: "When I saw '27' the number '3' came into my head."
Math Teacher: "It's suppose to."
Sam: "That's all I understood."
Math Teacher: "That's what Saxon wants you to think."
October 15, 2002
Math Teacher: "I was going to do a lesson and a prism project."
Sam: "Prison project...."
October 15, 2002
Kris: "We can hitchhike"
Female Student: "You can hitchhike."
Kris: "I would survive before all of you!"
....
Bible Teacher: "The girls can hitchhike and stop the cars; and we can come out of bushes."
Kris: "Not these girls!"
October 21, 2002
Math Teacher: "Logarithms have already --"
Kris: "Shattered the very soul of my being."
Math Teacher: "Well, that's a little dramatic."
Sam: "I don't think so."
October 21, 2002
Math Teacher: "This is the only academic class for this period."
Sam: "This is the only academic class, period."
October 22, 2002
Spanish Teacher: "Kris, why didn't you go to the mystery fun day?"
Kris: "Because I didn't."
October 23, 2002
Sam: "I've got an odd question,"
Math Teacher: "Is that different from an even question?"
October 24, 2002
Sam: "Quasimodo is the Hunchback."
Steve: "I didn't know that"
September 9, 2002
"The sign says 'Lakeside,' but my heart says 'prison.'"
Sam V., September 10, 2002
"You need not be concerned here as to how viscosity unit is defined."
Physics, The Foundation of Science, (page 51)
"You know how I know I'm not dreaming? Everyone is still alive."
Sam V., September 23, 2002
"Shut up or put up!"
Math Teacher (not directed to anyone), September 23, 2002
Sam: "Just let their heads explode."
Science Teacher: "I would if it didn't get on any other students."
September 23, 2002
"The concept of school is more complicated than it seems."
Sam V., September 25, 2002
"When Kris tells me his answer, I know its wrong."
Math Teacher, August 28, 2002
Kris: "What are people thinking?"
Math Teacher: "I'm convinced most people don't think."
August 28, 2002
Math Teacher: "You don't know it, so you don't know that you don't know it."
Sam: "Who knew?"
September 16, 2002
"The more education you get, the more you know that you don't know."
Math Teacher, September 16, 2002
English Teacher: "Stop Talking!"
Kris: "Stop whining...! Not you!"
September 10, 2002
"Where is she? She's here."
Senior Class President (Female) to Senior Class Secretary (Male), September 10, 2002
"After you look the review you will say 'I have no knowledge of this.' That is why you are supposed to ask questions."
Science Teacher giving Physics Test Review, September 10, 2002
Male Junior Class Student (directed to Senior Class Secretary.): "Kiss my butt, Adam!"
Science Teacher: "Uh, okay."
September 10, 2002
"I've dyed a cow blue."
Science Teacher, September 10, 2002
"You're looking like you still don't know what to do."
Math Teacher to B.C., September 10, 2002
"Lesson 94, Number 12"
B.C., September 10, 2002
Sam: "I understand."
Math Teacher: "Or at least until you get to another problem again."
September 10, 2002
"Hey, I just write it down, I have no part in trying to figure it out."
K. Green, September 10, 2002
"That number didn't just fall out of the sky and crash into another number and say: 'I'm e!'"
Math Teacher, September 12, 2002
"It is my opinion that the 'Where's Waldo' books are some of the best books ever written. If you do not agree, chances are you were never able to find Waldo. But the unfortunate part of the 'Where's Waldo' books is that once you have finished them, you never want to read them again."
K. Green, September 21, 2002
PART I
Steve: "Who is Victor Hugo? I don't even know who Victor Hugo is?"
Sam: "He wrote the Hunchback."
(long pause)
Steve: "Oh"
September 6, 2002
PART II
Steve: "I still don't know who Victor Hugo is? Oh, wait, he wrote 20,000 Leagues."
Kris: "That was Jules Verne."
Steve: "Oh.... Who is Jules Verne? (long pause) Oh."
(Believe it or not this is a true conversation), September 9, 2002
Kris: "Has it really come to this?"
Senior Class President #1 (female): "Someone lost their pants!"
September 6, 2002
"Someone lost their pants!"
Senior Class President #1, September 6, 2002
Senior Class President #1: "Hey Adam you left your pants at my house last night."
Senior Class Secretary: "Oh again"
September 6, 2002
"I left all the time, granted it wasn't legal."
Senior Class President #1, September 6, 2002
"I still got a 'B' in there, because I was white."
Senior Class President #1, September 6, 2002
"Funniest thing that has happened to me in class: a seventh grade girl raised her hand, 'what does circumcision mean?'"
Bible Teacher, September 6, 2002
Sam: "Write that down."
Kris: "It's too repulsive."
September 6, 2002
"When you go to the office you only get one phone call."
Kris G., September 6, 2002
Sam: "Hear the Plane?"
Kris: "It's not for us, Sam...."
September 9, 2002
"I am apocalyptically mad."
Sam V., in reference to a certain individual, September 9, 2002
Male Junior Class Student: "You're about to say something, aren't you?"
Kris: "I'm restraining myself."
September 9, 2002
Physics Teacher: "I'm leaving for lunch now."
Kris: "Pre-lunch or lunch?"
September 9, 2002
"Like a cow's tail always behind."
Math Teacher, August 27, 2002
"I am not going to teach this again! Do 88 for homework."
Math Teacher, August 27, 2002
"Just because your behind the desk doesn't mean I can't hear you."
English Teacher, August 28, 2002
Math Teacher: People don't think that they need to think."
Sam: "Who would've thought?"
Math Class, August 29, 2002
"Negative up is down; Negative right is left."
Math Teacher, August 30, 2002
"The final step is to replace A with x/2, this type of variable change makes some people uncomfortable when first encountered."
Saxon, Advanced Mathematics, page 533
"I don't have any magic words; I don't have any monkey dust."
Math Teacher, August 30, 2002
"Number 23 on Lesson 89; can you finish it?"
Dilligent Math Student Becky C., August 30, 2002
"What lesson are we doing today?"
Dilligent Math Student Becky C., September 3, 2002
"Are we playing that stupid game again?!"
Sam V., directed to English Teacher
"I'm stupid"
Female Senior Class Student, September 6, 2002
"I'm Biblically mad at him"
Sam V., September 6, 2002
Kris: "Has it really come to this?"
Sam: "I'm afraid it has."
September 6, 2002
"My stupidity is too complicated."
Sam V., September 6, 2002
"'Stupid' is such a retarded word; I was going to say 'stupid' is such a stupid word."
Senior Class President #2 (female), September 6, 2002
Senior Class President #2: "Yesterday, I'm an idiot; today, I'm a jerk!"
Senior Class Secretary: "You're both."
Physics, August 16, 2002
"When people take things and don't return them it is because they eat them. So whenever something is missing one can assume it has been eaten."
Physics Teacher
"My teeth are coming in."
Senior Class President #2, August 15, 2002
"No 'what ifs' just like no 'ya buts', something like no 'round to its'."
Math Teacher, August 15, 2002
"I feel asleep yesterday. I hate walking."
Senior Class President #2, August 16, 2002
"I'll give you teeth, so I can kick you in them."
Physics Teacher, August 20, 2002
"We don't need to beat a dead horse."
Math Teacher, August 20, 2002
"Hen don't have teeth."
Math Teacher, August 20, 2002
"It's funny how skill supercedes knowledge."
Sam V., English class, August 23, 2002
"Now I'm just being stupid."
Male Junior Class Student, English class, August 26, 2002
Kris: "Hence...."
Sam: "Big word Kris, don't use it."
English class, August 26, 2002
"I feel like I'm dying"
Sam V., English class, August 26, 2002
English Teacher: "You will never need to know it again, but know it now."
Kris (to Sam): "Know what?"
Sam: "I don't know."
English Class, August 26, 2002
Kris: "Did you title it 'Lakeside' or 'hell'?"
Sam: "Oh, should I have titled it Lakeside?"
English Class, August 27, 2002
"High School is a pointless endeavor. It seems that its purpose is to teach when all is needed is an hour of teaching-then give us the homework and send us home." Kris A. Green, aspiring student, January 30, 2002
"These are quotes from teacher and students in an effort to share what we have gone through. The first two quotes are by De Leon and myself. It becomes more and more aware that school is pointless to certain degrees; however, we are stuck in deadlock. These quotes are a result of wasted time in class. And again to reaffirm above, this is what we go through:" (Kris G.)
"If we learn one word a day, we learn a lot before we're dead."
Former English teacher, February 26, 2002
"We take up class time for quizzes."
Former English teacher, April 8, 2002
"I hate to read 25 pages, give me a break!"
Bible teacher, April 15, 2002
"I like boys."
Male Junior Class Student, April 15, 2002
Conversation in Math helps on April 15, 2002:
Math Teacher: "Best advice someone can give you is marry your best friend."
Male Junior Class Student: "Justin?"
"Geometry was the stupidest thing in the world and I never did use it."
Current Athletic Instructor, April 15, 2002
"I hate reading, to me reading is work."
Bible teacher, August 7, 2002 (first day of school)
Male Senior Class Student: "How do you square the speed of light?"
Physics Teacher: "You multiply it by itself."
Physics, August 9, 2002
Physics Teacher: "The best thing about Glenn was when I said, 'ready for a quiz', he'd say, 'I'll Cut ya!'"
Senior Class President #2: "Was that last year?"
(Glenn was a senior that attended last year and graduated.)
Physics, August 14, 2002
List created by Kris G.
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